Is your relationship falling apart?
Is your woman starting to pull away from you?
Are you in a relationship or marriage where things have really started to turn sour, and no matter what you do, nothing seems to help?
The problem is a lot more simple than it appears, but it can be pretty hard to fix without knowing what’s happening. So, in order to stop making matters worse and have any fighting chance at turning it around, it’s critical that you cultivate some awareness of human behaviour and how to make it work to your advantage.
Because right now, your lack of it is causing it to work against you.
Humans enter relationships to feel safe.
Women want a man who they believe will care for them and protect them and make their lives better.
Men want a woman who will support them and keep them company and put out (cummon we all know it’s true), and then all of those things make us feel safe too.
The problem usually occurs because humans are bound to disagree on shit. It’s inevitable, and it usually has to do with our safety feeling threatened.
Our woman gets upset about something we do or say-which usually means that whatever we’re doing doesn’t align with what she would like us to be doing, so she feels unsafe with how we’re being.
She gets mad at us, which causes us to get defensive or down because our safety is threatened-the safety of having her-we feel that if she’s mad at us, we’re at risk of losing her.
This sort of thing goes on constantly in all sorts of little to big ways, and men and women around the globe all tend to handle it pretty similarly.
They fight and eventually it calms down and someone apologizes-which more often than not isn’t really because they’re sorry, but rather because they want to make things feel safe again and if she’s happy and he’s happy and both sides are in agreement, both sides feel safe.
Then, sometimes, the fights happen more frequently, which basically means one or both parties feel unsafe more often.
She’s going through stress over whatever, her body, her friends or family, work, etc and so she already feels unsafe and then her man does one little thing wrong and she loses it because it’s adding insult to injury in terms of her safety being threatened.
Now he’s stressed out and walking on egg shells because she keeps barking at him and every time she does, he either flips out in defense, backs down in fear or just takes off altogether-he’s feeling unsafe because she’s on him so much, it’s beginning to feel like things might crash…and his defensive or avoidant reactions are only making her feel more unsafe.
She starts saying things like “you’ve never really listened to me or supported me or you’ve done this wrong or that wrong”
And for a while, we get pissed and explode or bail because we’re men. That’s how we handle shit when we’re under fire. But eventually, things start to get BAD, so we start apologizing and begging for forgiveness.
We start scrambling to solve it to fix it because we’re fixers! Men want to fix things and make them better. So we bend over backwards for her.
We shower her with gifts or wait on her hand and foot.
We tell her how much we love her over and over and over again.
We follow her around like a lost puppy dog.
We get all controlling and clingy and ask her about every text conversation she’s having or which guys at work she talks to or who the fuck that is on Facebook that keeps hearting all her posts.
And while all of those things feel like the right thing to do guys-while all of those feel like they’ll help us to control the situation-all of those things are actually DRIVING HER FURTHER AWAY.
In our minds we think that if we just try hard enough, if we just work hard at it, because we’ve learned that hard work is the solution to EVERYTHING (here’s a hint: IT’S NOT)-but we think if we can just show her we love her and will do anything for her, then she’ll finally recognize how much we love her and she won’t keep pulling away.
It makes sense, right!? Because we’re guys, and that’s how we think.
The problem is, the way we think-while very effective at getting superficial things done like jobs and projects and weightlifting-does not get things done that are deeper than the superficial level.
Back to being safe
When we hustle our faces off for our women, while it seems like it should make them feel better, it actually makes them feel UNSAFE.
And here’s why-
By doing anything and everything to make her happy and show her we love her, on a deeper level it really says “I am a mess without you”
It says “I need you to be ok”
It says “I am desperate to prove to you that I love you, to beg for your approval, to get you to say that everything is going to be ok because I am DYING on the inside knowing that I might lose you”
And guess what all that is for her???
If you guessed, UNATTRACTIVE, give yourself a gold star
Think of it this way-do you want some woman who follows you around and clings to you and begs you for your love?
Do you want some woman who is totally desperate so she’ll literally spread her legs for the first guy that whistles?
F*CK NO YOU DON’T!
Desperation is disgusting, whether you’re a man or a woman.
But by waiting by the phone, by texting her a dozen times to check in, by following her around and apologizing left and right and giving her anything and everything you can to win her, you are being DESPERATE AS F*CK.
You are betraying yourself-putting her on a pedestal, and basically saying-“your needs are more important than mine-AND I need your approval to be ok”
And those things, my friends, are unattractive because they are UNSAFE.
A woman wants a man who she knows is rock solid.
A woman wants a man who will stand strong EVEN IF she gives him a swift kick.
A woman wants a man who doesn’t NEED her to be ok because if he does, then she knows on a very deep instinctual level that she can’t rely on him for her safety.
On a deep level, she immediately knows this guy is LOW VALUE.
He’s not ok without me.
He needs ME to be ok so how in the fuck is he going to make me safe?
He’s easy.
And easy in nearly all cases, especially relationships, means he ain’t got shit
This is why women like wealth.
This is why women like bad boys.
This is why women like rock stars.
And sure, not all women do
But deep down, they all do…because those guys are HIGH VALUE (in a safety sense).
They don’t give a fuck whether or not she likes what they bring because they put themselves first (obviously not always true-some of the above mentioned guys can be weak too but generally speaking). These guys hold themselves high, which signals to her inner female survival instinct, “this guy is hard to get”, which means he is higher value (again safe).
Think of it like a high-end car.
More expensive=higher quality=harder to get=safer=more POWER.
High value guys possess power, and low value guys give women power over them.
So if your relationship is on the skids, there is a very good chance that you are giving away all your power, being low value in an effort to try and save it, in turn making your woman feel unsafe and become unattracted to you, and if you keep that shit up, consider it over.
However, as I mentioned in the beginning, you can turn it around and do it rather fast, BUT, it ain’t easy and the reason it’s not is you’re programmed to think like a man.
And while you don’t need to start thinking like a woman, you DO need to understand how they think-or more importantly how they FEEL – and then train yourself to be HIGH VALUE
